musings on love and loss {journal entry}

i feel i should write something poignant about love and loss today.

{barbed wire heart from TheLonelyHeart on etsy}

this week my little sister has suffered her first real heart break. as a family we share her hurt and wish so much that we could have protected her from this. break ups are painful, and whether you’re 19 or 99, i imagine that the feeling of losing someone you love is very much the same. regret, disappointment and frustration create such an ache deep down inside that it feels life will never be the same.  

i feel for my sister so enormously right now because I’ve been there myself. over the last 10 years i’ve laid in bed and cried over boys more times that I care to remember. i’ve known what it is to feel worthless and hopeless, and if i could go back in my past and change my attitude during these times, i would jump at the chance.

i would look for the bigger picture.

i would have faith in myself.

i would not give up hope so easily.

the truth is that life isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t be filled with all kinds of excitement, surprises and pleasures which make it worth living. happiness isn’t achieved by snagging the right person or climbing the right career ladder. happiness comes from within, from acceptance of how things are and hope for the future.

to quote my beloved baz luhrmann song...

sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. the race is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself.

i wish i could change the amount of time i have spent worrying about the finish line.

{em} x

journal day prompt from sometimes sweet.

one thing i know for sure... {journal entry}

i always thought i'd have everything sorted by the time i reached my late 20's. now, as i approach 27 many things are still as unclear as they ever were. i don't know how to be cool at parties, i don't know how to get my hair looking sleek, i certainly don't know what i want to "be" when i grow up. in many senses i'm just stumbling along as best as i can (as i suspect most other people are too).

one thing i do know is that wanderlust runs through my veins. i know my future is seeing new places and doing new things. as a child my family moved around alot. i got used to starting new schools, unpacking a new bedroom, and making new friends. at weekends we explored our surroundings. we got outdoors - alot - and took in the scenery. we ate local and stumbled by in foreign languages. i sometimes felt separated from my friends as my world was so much broader than theirs. but a new place, to make new friends was always on the horizon.

now i'm in charge of my own life, i can't think of anything better than continuing in that style. don't get me wrong, i'm not about to give up my job and move into a camper van. but i am working towards being in a position where i can take opportunities to travel and explore. thinking about my future family, i'm not too worried about money and i'm not too interested in success. the richness in my life is gained through the experience of wandering this planet of ours and i wouldn't have it any other way. that's one thing i know for sure.

{em} x

journal prompt from http://sometimessweet.blogspot.com/